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Old Dec 17, 2005, 02:25 AM // 02:25   #1
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Default A bit of poetry.

The Sword and the Arrow

Meet thy sword, with thy arrow,
Quickly, fly like a sparrow,
Hurry, go before it's too late,
For we cannot wait~

The sword approaches, the arrows fly,
The word is screamed, people try,
Tears fall, blood is shed,
Fear grows, hate is spread~

Help us all, or we may fall,
Hear our call, before its the end of us all,
Do not run, do not fear,
For the sword and arrow are near~
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Old Dec 17, 2005, 02:46 AM // 02:46   #2
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Makes me feel like I'm a bladedancer. Keep it up! <sching sching blocking arrows>

--The Shim
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Old Dec 17, 2005, 04:08 AM // 04:08   #3
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/clap that's really good.
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Old Dec 17, 2005, 04:09 AM // 04:09   #4
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good wording, your syllable matching is a *little* off tho...=/.....mind if I change it a little?

original:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire Wolf
The Sword and the Arrow

Meet thy sword, with thy arrow,
Quickly, fly like a sparrow,
Hurry, go before it's too late,
For we cannot wait~

The sword approaches, the arrows fly,
The word is screamed, people try,
Tears fall, blood is shed,
Fear grows, hate is spread~

Help us all, or we may fall,
Hear our call, before its the end of us all,
Do not run, do not fear,
For the sword and arrow are near~
new version:

The Sword and the Arrow

Meet thy sword, with thy arrow,
Quickly, fly like a sparrow,
Hurry, go 'fore it's too late,
Go now, for we cannot wait~

The sword approaches, arrows fly,
The word is screamed, and people try,
Tears they fall, and blood is shed,
Fear grows hastily, hate is spread~

Help us Gods, or we may fall,
Hear our call, before it ends us all,
Do not run, and do not fear,
For the sword and arrow, they are near~

kkthxbye

Last edited by Storm Crow; Dec 17, 2005 at 04:14 AM // 04:14..
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Old Dec 17, 2005, 05:32 AM // 05:32   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Crow
good wording, your syllable matching is a *little* off tho...=/.....mind if I change it a little?

original:


new version:

The Sword and the Arrow

Meet thy sword, with thy arrow,
Quickly, fly like a sparrow,
Hurry, go 'fore it's too late,
Go now, for we cannot wait~

The sword approaches, arrows fly,
The word is screamed, and people try,
Tears they fall, and blood is shed,
Fear grows hastily, hate is spread~

Help us Gods, or we may fall,
Hear our call, before it ends us all,
Do not run, and do not fear,
For the sword and arrow, they are near~

kkthxbye
Eh sorry about that, pieced that together in five minutes before going to bed. Oh well, thanks for the revision~
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Old Dec 18, 2005, 07:55 PM // 19:55   #6
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Thanks, Claire! I usually don't get very good comments after rewriting somone else's works ^^
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Old Dec 19, 2005, 08:45 AM // 08:45   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Crow
Thanks, Claire! I usually don't get very good comments after rewriting somone else's works ^^
If you have the time to 'rewrite', why don't you use some of that time to...'newrite' I'd compliment you if you did that
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Old Dec 26, 2005, 10:38 PM // 22:38   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by King Symeon
If you have the time to 'rewrite', why don't you use some of that time to...'newrite' I'd compliment you if you did that
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Old Dec 27, 2005, 12:11 PM // 12:11   #9
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nice
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